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In 1978 a film crew went into Rahway State Prison to make a documentary.  They brought in a group of 15 miscreants from the surrounding area to be yelled at, degraded and threatened with anal rape, in hopes of curbing their criminal tendencies.  The resulting awesomeness was called Scared Straight.  For those who haven’t had the pleasure, here’s a clip.  I suggest you watch the other clips, all of which are available on You Tube.

In 1988 they did a ten year anniversary show.  I can remember being 11 and having my father force me to watch it.  Not because I was in danger of becoming a hooligan, but for the same reason he made me watch The Magnificent Seven, The Dirty Dozen and anything staring Steve McQueen; because the shit is dope.

Watching as a kid, what struck me more than anything else was the convicts liberal use of the word “motherfucker” and the creative ways they promised to hurt or have sex with the young thugs, all on network television.  It was probably the first time I heard the words gang and rape together.  A hallmark moment in any child’s life.

Watching it again 20 years later, I still find myself enchanted with the masterful way some of these men can string profane words together.  Here are a few other things I noticed this time around.

  • The kids, especially the guys, look a lot like todays hipsters.  Tight clothes.  Shaggy mid-length hair swept over their faces.  Sad, wispy little mustaches.  They look like the crowd at a Death Cab For Cutie show, or some other band I’m not cool enough to know about.
  • Number of cocks I saw through the afore mentioned tight pants: 4
  • Several of the inmates wound up dying of AIDS.  I guess they weren’t just trying to “chump off” the kids.  All that time spent without protection in the new fishes mud-maker finally caught up with them.
  • If a person says “yous” or really hits the “o” in police, as in “pOHlice!”, they’ll probably end up in the clinker.
  • Any man wearing a pair of shorts over his sweatpants is a barrel of laughs.  Even if he lost his eye in a fight over toothpaste and cigarettes.
  • In prison, I’d probably suck A LOT of dick.

“I don’t like nothin’ in the first place and I don’t like you!”.  Words to live by.